gender_revolt

I'm only $450 away from funding my top surgery, so I'm looking for help. I'm posting this everywhere I can, without spamming. If you are interested in helping, please do.

thefinalstretch.chipin.com/chest-surgery


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So it has apprently been 10 weeks ago. A lot has been going on. I won't get too into detail but it involves, getting robbed, being homeless and starting a business! HA! They all go hand in hand right?

I'm 9 months on testosterone. My medical problems with extremely painful cramping and stuff, was apparently due to low T levels. I have been switched from 200mg/biweekly to 200mg/10 days. I don't see much of a change there, but we will wait a month or two and have my levels checked again.

We are now staying with my wife's grandmother. We are out in the boonies but its a place nonetheless. She's letting us stay here, rent free, to save up some money and do a few things that we need to do. We need to get the car checked out, oil change and a tune-up. We also need new tires before winter which should be anyday now for New England weather. My wife also needs some new clothes and I need some too. That may sound like it isn't a MUST HAVE thing... but it is. My wardrobe consists of 2 pairs of pants, both which are used for work, and a few shirts. Underwear and undershirts are the only things I'm all set on. Other than my few shirts, I do have work shirts but those are too hidious to wear outside of work! I also have a pair of shorts but those will do me NO GOOD in New England winter!

My son turned 1. That was great. He's running around and causing holy hell everywhere he goes. He's talking more. Yay! is one of his favorites now. And he growls or grunts when you take things away from him now. Wonder where he learned that?!

The business is coming along. There have been a few set backs due to personal family issues on the ends of both myself and my webdesigner. The store was set to open in October of this year, but its look more towards December. As long as we are open by January, I will be okay. That is my absolute latest I would like to go. I'd much rather have the merch ready to fill orders in December, just in time for holidays. However, I can't ask people to put situations like these on hold for my store. I understand completely what is going on and the need to be there for family. I would expect nothing less if I were in those same shoes. So things will come along when they do and we will open the store and hope there are tons of FTMs waiting for the launch at midnight to buy their stuff. Still working on some deals and waiting for a response from one particular company who made some offers and hasn't responded since. Time to get down to business and really be aggressive!

Hope everyone is doing well.

FTM TransProductResearch is looking for input from FTMs (and others who utilize similar products) to participate in a survery. The survey is a short 8 questions, asking who and what. Who are you buying your products from and what products are you buying? Please be of some assistant and participate. This should take no more than 5 minutes, if you opt to specify your answers.

http://tinyurl.com/FTMProductResearch

So its been (i think LiveJournal said) 3 weeks since I've posted. A lot has been going on. I got a little behind on my school work and busted my ass one day finishing 4 papers, 2 projects, and 3 message boards. It was crazy, and so tiring. In other news, my family life and living situation has changed so thats better. We decided that we wanted to move out of my moms and started looking on Craigslist. That was great. We found an apartment and looked at it the next day. We loved the apartment, signed the lease and handed over $200 for first week's rent. We are paying rent weekly because it was easier to move in that way, instead of saving up the $1400 to move in. And since we both started new jobs, we were a little messed up on finances because of our new paycheck schedules. So August will probably be the first month that we pay by the month. That's what we hope anyway.

Added in with just moving, our family is about to extended from 3 people to 5 people. Right now its just my wife, my 9 month old son, and myself living in the apartment. A date has been set. On July 8th I travel to Boston to pick up the other 2. My nephew and his underage mother are moving in with us. She didn't like it down in Mississippi and her mother told her she could move. Well, her father wouldn't take her because he's a jerk, so she asked me. My nephew will be 5 months old the day after they get here, and none of us up here have met him. So we add a 5 month old and a 16 year old to the family on July 8th. This is going to be fun! I'm only 21 years old and I become responsible for myself, my wife who is 19, a 16 year old, a 9 month old, and a 5 month old. Ha. It'll all work out.

As for transition, I'm coming on to my 6th month. July 6th will be the mark. i'm definately a lot hairier now. My legs look like those of an ape. My wife says they just look like guys' legs. Whatever! My belly hair is getting thicker, darker and longer. I'm going to have to trim that soon! And my chest is getting hairy. It's not thick or dark, but you can tell it's coming in. I dont like it because I haven't had top surgery yet, so it looks weird. My facial hair is coming in nice. I shaved sometime last month. I've been on this "shave once a month thing". So it's probably been about a month and a half since I have shaved. Under my chin is really hairy. My mustache and chin are coming in pretty nice. My sideburns are a lot darker than previous months and they are coming down lower, however they are still a bit dispersed.  I'm content with the changed though.

I do need to start working out. With the schedules of my wife and I, it makes it hard to do much except work and sleep. We haven't eaten a lot and its making us both pretty sick. Then again, that could be because our fridge died and I sat home for 2 days waiting for some idiot to put in our new one and take the old one, and nobody ever showed. So I sit and wait again, today. Hopefully they do it.

Business Ventures.
So I'm in the process of starting up my own business. I have to talk to Antoyneo about how things are going to work because he was a part of it, however I'm not sure how things are going to work with us living in different states, and taxes, and ugh. Everything. So I have an idea and if he goes for it, then we are golden. I could just start it up on my own, but since we talked about it together, I dont want to seem like a dick and I'm leaving him out of it. So there's still some things to think about and figure out, but I'm hoping to get it up and running SOON. And by soon I probably mean by the end of the year since this could take a while!

I'm also working with a guy named Alex at kTsquared Studios on a few projects. He's been a great help to me and my projects, so I'll be helping him out on some things as well.

I need to make a schedule/list of things that I need to get done, so I can clear my MENTAL To-Do List! My head is getting crowded. I'm off to update my site, after I tend to the baby... who I dont believe can be classified as a baby now since he's starting to stand and trying to walk on his own!

I've been hella busy keeping up with family life, school work, business ventures, and some "non-profit" projects. It's a bit overwhelming, but I like it. I figured I'd write a quick update to say that I've been alive this whole time! lol

I moved my website from genderrevolt.weebly.com (which is still up right now) to genderrevolt.webs.com

The new site at webs.com has more to offer, and more pages, and is obviously still in the works.

I will be updating again soon, promise.

Right now though, I have 4 papers for school to write, and my sister went into labor this morning. So nephew number 6 is on his way. They aren't all her's. This is just her second. So I have to go pick up my other nephew, her 8 year old son, from school while everyone is at the hospital. Busy day!

So things have been super busy. I turned 21 on the 17th. I started school on the 15th. And I've been sick with a sinus infection since around those dates. I'm just now getting over it. So, I've completely neglected a lot of my duties because of this.

I've made myself a pretty strict schedule, as far as things I need to do online goes. I have certain days that I will do certain things, on certain sites. I need this mainly because of school. It takes up so much time, and I still want to be able to do other things, as well as spend time with my family.

One of the big projects I've been working on is The Mens Room on YouTube collab channel. You can check us out at www.youtube.com/user/mensroomftm Its a bunch of guys, and more to come, making videos pertaining to transition and being FTM.

I hit my 3 month mark, at the beginning of April. I finally shaved and have a lot of noticable stubble! Its pretty exciting. I do tend to rub my face a lot now. lol. There haven't been many more changes, I suppose. Well, okay maybe. My voice is noticable deeper now. My wife has finally noticed so thats always a good thing. She didn't notice until I made a YouTube video and it showed. Its probably because she's with me every day so it's not like she's had a break from hearing my voice to notice any change. I also have a lot more darker hair growing in on my thighs, and my arms. My leg hair is also getting darker.

I got a job at a water park this summer so I'm going to definately get going on the walking thing and using my Iron Gym. I've been sucking at using it on a regular basis. But I'd like to lose weight this summer, and hopefully sweating it off might help.

I'm off to bed now. If you want to check out my other sites here are the links:
My Website- A Man:Revolutionized
Follow Me On Twitter
Watch Me On YouTube
Watch Me On MensRoom on YouTube on Mondays
Find Me On The Mens Room

If you also have any ideas or suggestions for a VIDEO EDITING SOFTWARE, I'd really appreciate it!

I was going to update. I swear I was. I had it all typed out on my website, and then I was coming to paraphrase it here. I spent 45 minutes typing... and I couldn't tell you exactly what I said. I know the basic point, but not everything. This post meant a lot to me, because I actually spent the time on it.

I hate Microsoft. I hate Internet Explorer. I hate Bill Gates.

As I was about to put my last tag in the post, my Internet Explorer popped up with that stupid screen that I hate.

"Internet Explorer has encountered a problem and needs to close. We are sorry for the inconvenience."

I dont think you know what kind of inconvenience this is. I'm so fucking frustrated right now. It's been 15 minutes and it's still fucking frozen. I'm not closing it. I was that blog back.

I'm so frustrated that I honestly want to cry. I'll blog when I'm in a better place.

I am passing on this information for a guy that is starting a zine for FTMS. Feel free to pass on the word.



Hi folks! I'm working at putting together a zine by and for transmen regarding the ins and outs of the transition process, including personal stories, tips, and information regarding services. My original idea is regarding sort of a "the questions I used to have" theme, so, if you've discovered, through the course of your transition, o,r through talking to other folks you know, info on things that you think it'd've been really great to know starting out or answers to questions that've come up through the course of it. But I'm expanding that to include stories you may have that you don't feel have been represented by the mainstream conversation about transitioning (ie. transitioning as a person of colour, transitioning with a disability, opting for a non-medical social transition, experiences as a transman in the music industry, adventures in homelessness, sex work, etc). Personally, I think I'm going to include a bit about being a trans traveling punk as well as an informational article on safer sex for FtMs.

At present, not only is the trans population often overlooked and under represented in much informational literature being put out by sexual health organizations and the like, but furthermore, finding information directed towards transmen (FtMs) is even harder with the term "transsexual" often understood by many to mean MtF. I hope that, in putting this project out, not only will it allow for folks who are curious or even questioning themselves, but transmen starting and going through the process to have more of a feeling of community and a broad base of stories regarding transition, but, also, to fill that gap in the current literature that is being produced and disseminated by sexual health and sexual diversity organizations within the city as well as in the informational packages that mental health professionals give to trans patients often have little/no information for/by transmen in them.

Too often our stories are collapsed and homogenized and I really think it's time that we had something put out to expand that dialogue.

If you're interested, feel free to get back to me here for any support, or, send completed, scanned articles to geared2riot@gmail.com. The zine is going to be in a half-page format (fold a sheet of paper in half lengthwise sort of like you're making a kindergarten birthday card) so, if anything you'd like to include could be made to that scale, that'd be rad!


Deadline for submissions is April 25, 2009.

Look forward to hearing back from you with your stories!

-Niq Roadbike
(Please circulate widely)

I went to the doctors the other day to check up on my rash. It ended up with a pond on my fucking leg. Check out the video.

http://www.youtube.com/v/88nghz1kNFE&hl=en&fs=1


I took my 6th shot of testosterone on March 17th, St. Patricks Day. It was my first shot at home, by myself, and I was a bit nervous to do it. I put the shot off all day because I was out and about and didn't want to feel like a drug addict, shooting up in someone's bathroom.

So finally around 10pm I went into my OWN bathroom, with my wife, to do my shot. Most of my nervousness was about my rash I had previously gotten. (Note on that: I went to the doctor, and he said there was nothing wrong. This wasn't my doctor in Boston. But I still have the rash.) So I cleaned up everything, took out my needle and got to work. The shot itself went well. It didn't hurt during or after.

I did get worried about the amount of blood after, however when I drew back the needle, there was no blood return. So here's a hint, if you rub the alcohol swab over the injection site when you pull out, it clots it and there is VERY LITTLE BLOOD. It's awesome. Thank you Antoyneo for that.

That's my update. I have a doctors appointment on Monday to check up on my anxiety meds. I'll update everyone later

Other than all that stuff, I've been looking for a job which is well... just looking at this point. I've also been looking into some business ventures and I've been working on my site a lot today. I'm proud of myself for the patience to do that!

I'm trying to keep up with all the sites I'm on, so I've been slacking on this one a bit.

I have a HORRIBLE rash around my injection spots. It itches and hurts real bad. So I'm bout to call my doctor and get this checked out. I dont want to go to Boston just to get this looked at though. Maybe I'll call my local doctor and have them fax this shit over. I dont know. I'd rather be safe and go to Boston though.

I went there on March 3rd for my 5th shot. My T levels are still really low. I was at 2.5 and the levels I'm supposed to be at are between 8.8 and 27. So my dose got increased to 200mg every 2 weeks.

I've been chillin around YouTube lately. Those guys have a lot of good input. I like seeing how other guys are dealing with things, their opinions on stuff and how they feel about their own personal dysphoria. And it's awesome to know that I'm not alone. 

This rash is irritating.

So i'm 2 months and 6 days on T today. My son is getting bigger and learned how to sit up the other day. And I'm planning a trip to Mississippi to get my nephew and his momma! That's in May though. I'm super excited.

I want to rip off my thighs off right now.

So Mel sent me a comment on my website. Awesome. I didnt think anyone was really reading it. Makes me happy. So yeah. :-)

I have to call the doctor.

I went to Fenway today, to get a checkup and my fifth shot. I wasn't so overly excited about the nurse I got, or the air bubble the had me inject into my thigh. Dumbass. I'm glad I'll be doing it myself from now on.

It hurt really bad, and I'm guessing it was the airbubble. I did it just like I do every other time, and those were all fine. Those didn't have air bubbles in them.

I was put on medication for my anxiety. That's definately a good thing. And my doctor suggested I get into mental health because there could be a link between my anxiety and the history of bi-polar in my family.

That's my quick update. I have to go to Portland, Maine tomorrow with my wife for her brothers surgery.

So I've been watching FTM videos on youtube. I have a weird relationship with youtube. And anyway, now I'm deciding whether I want to put my face out there more than it already is. I worry that some people I am stealth to might find it. This typically wouldn't be a problem however, my location is very GLBTQQ-phobic. So I'd like to stay as stealth as possible here. it's up in the air as to what I will do about making videos. I do have some videos on The Mens Room but I feel that is a safe space for me and I trust it won't go anywhere.

On another note, I still don't have a job. It's Saturday so I didn't plan on going out and looking anyway, but I will look a bit online. My wife took the car to work today so that leaves me and my son at home. (He looks so bored in his swing, but he's finally asleep.) I bought him a Johnny JumpUp the other day so I put that together for him. He seems to like it. I think the post office closes in about 2 hours and I was hoping to go and see if the SIM card for my wife's phone has come in yet. I feel like today is a lazy day, so we'll worry about that later. On a more personal note, I won't be around much this coming week. My wife and I have found a sitter so we can be with her 3 year old brother while he has brain surgery at Maine Medical Center. Hopefully things go well with that.

On a transition note: I never thought I would say that I'm getting sick of morningwood! But its so tiring to wake up every morning like that. Ugh. Everything is going well. I can't stop rubbing my face. I can feel hairs coming in under my chin and I'm trying my best not to pull them out.

So there's some random thoughts. I'm going to browse around the LJ Communities a bit more and see what I can find. I'm hanging out in the chat room on the Mens Room. I'll be around though.

So I haven't been on LJ in a while. I have the worst memories of all 3 of my previous LJ's. They were so immature and pointless. Nothing less to expect from a 14 year old.

I start out this LJ adventure again, hoping to work my way around the FTM community and possibly help out some brothers in need of something. I'm not sure what that something is; guidance, resources, someone to listen, or someone to look up to. I'm short. So it's all looking down from here.

This journal might get a little personal at times. By personal I mean, throwing in things that don't have to do with my transition. That pretty much means, things about my wife, my son, my family, and how they get on my nerves. (Never my son, sometimes my wife, always my family!)

I will slowly begin to catch up on all the LJ cuts. I'll test them out and you'll see that sometimes, I suck at what I do. But its who I am, and I can't change that.

So here's the background to my story.

I came out as transgender when I was 16 years old. When I was 20 years old (in November of 2008) I finally contacted Fenway Community Health Center in Boston, MA about starting testosterone. I had already been living full-time as male, for the past 4 years. I had an appointment that month and was approved for hormone treatment 2 days later.

I spent a month trying to work with my doctor in my hometown, to do my bloodwork up here, without having to travel. I got tired of waiting and traveled to Boston on December 23, 2008 to have my bloodwork done. I received my first shot of Testosterone Cypionate (50 mg) on January 6, 2009.

In 5 days I will be getting my fifth shot. It will be the last shot I travel to Boston to get. It has been 1 month and 20 days on Testosterone now and I don't see very much physical change. My mustache is darkening and becoming noticable, slowly.  I sometimes here my voice changing but I don't think other people notice. I think its a mental thing and its not really happening. My libido has increased rapidly and I have had some growth in my personal regions.

I have also started saving for top surgery and have more than half of the money in savings. I am hoping by this time next year I will be able to have a double incision masectomy with Dr. Garramone in Sunrise, Florida.

I have a personal transition site called A Man : Revolutionized, to document my changes from testosterone, to top surgery when I receive it. I am looking for other FTMs with transition sites or blogs to link in my resource section for other FTMs. If you are interested in having your site linked, please email me at justanother.brother@yahoo.com.